Love Test – How Do You Find One Good Idea to Resolve Conflict Or Rescue a Relationship?

Being stuck is no fun. But you can have some fun while you get unstuck in your life or relationships when you find one good idea to resolve any conflict and move forward in positive ways in any relationship.

Learn how to find your good idea with expert tips from David Evans, a former TV comedy writer for the Cosby Show and The Monkeys. David later became a top mediator in LA courts because he successfully used humor and several proven techniques to find the best way to resolve the toughest issues. David revealed his savvy techniques in his book, One Good Idea. He explained the top 3 techniques during my recent interview, which I’ve summarized to help you pass this Love Test.

How do you find your one good idea to get unstuck?

First you look at the troubling issue that keeps you stuck and then you reframe it. Reframing means you see it from a new angle and a new point of view.

When you place an old painting in a new frame, it helps you see it with new eyes.

David shared an example of how he reframed a tough personal issue in his conflicted relationship with his mother-in-law. He felt she chattered non stop without saying anything important, and this made him angry. He swallowed his anger for years to maintain a polite but frustrating relationship with her.

Since scientists warn that anger turned inward can cause disease, it was a healthy stroke of luck that David Evans found a way to see his mother-in-law from a new point of view.

David went to see the British film, The Wrong Box, which starred the father of Vanessa Redgrave. He played a character who talked all the time, yet David saw him as funny and half the fun of the movie.

David realized how this character was doing the exact things his mother-in-law was doing.

Then he reframed their relationship by seeing her as a great comic character, and by letting himself have fun in her presence. When he added a new attitude of acceptance and appreciation, this allowed him to enjoy their relationship and be best buddies for the last 30 years of her life.

How can you reframe a troubling issue or a conflicted relationship?

David suggested that you accept rule number 1 in a relationship. It’s meant to be fun, because that keeps you in it and. If you need to restore the fun, David recommended that you reframe the issues by asking yourself three questions:

1. What are the elements in the situation?

Jot down the troubling issues or conflicts that bother you. Common issues in relationships are bringing up old baggage, complaining, repeating negative habits. Write down all the facts as you see them and write freely, since no one but you will see this paper. Now you’ll ask yourself the next question.

2. What can I do with these elements?

Tap into your sense of humor to become flexible in your thinking and seeing all of the elements with amusement instead of anger. Humor is a powerful force for positive change because it frees your imagination and innovative thinking. Then you are in the right mindset to ask yourself the final question

3. What can I add, subtract or change?

You can’t change the other person. You only can adopt a new attitude that leads you to the one good idea which promotes a win-win solution to any conflict or troubling issue. When you take new actions that align with this new attitude, then you get unstuck and take positive strides forward in any relationship.

Why do I recommend David’s 3-step reframing process?

Couples in a lackluster marriage can use it to shake things up and start fresh, instead of throwing away your relationship through divorce. Divorce is really a failure of imagination because you haven’t looked at issues in new ways. Now you have the creative tools to change that.

Singles can use this 3-step process to get unstuck from dead-end dating relationships by changing your dating patterns and choosing a compatible love match for a happy relationship.

Parents can use this process to get unstuck in a frustrating relationship with children, and vice versa.

Anyone can use it to reframe troubling issues at work or at home when you find and take action on one good idea that changes everything.

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